A wise man once gave me advice at a wedding that the days would be long, but the years would be short. Indeed, I have found over the last twenty years of my relationship that it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the minutia that is our daily life… the schedule planning and kid shuttling, the working and working out, the cooking and cleaning. And in the midst of that overwhelm, it’s so easy to say “No” to the things that would really nourish our souls, the things that we’ll remember at the end of the year when we realize how quickly it has gone by.
If you had asked me whether sex was an important part of the equation several years ago, I would have brushed you off with a quick “Sure” but behind that quick response would have been a myriad of excuses as to why it wasn’t something I invested time and energy into. As Sweet Brown so succinctly put it, my general take on the matter was “Ain’t nobody got time for that”.
I loved my partner, but there were more important matters to attend to each evening. There was eating and cleaning up from the eating and television and brushing our teeth and talking about that thing we were going to do on the weekend and going to bed on time. I mean, seriously people, there was not a minute to spare. And on the weekends, well, there were social engagements and parties, after which I was tired and my head hurt and my stomach was queasy and I was sure tomorrow would be a better time for sex and besides, we had to talk about that event on the calendar that we were debating on whether to go to next week and I had to get up early for that thing.
I was so freaking good at making excuses! In fact, when my husband proposed going to a super fun festival in the desert where adults got to play and dress up and misbehave, I told him “No” and gave him a long list of excuses for five whole years. But somewhere along the way, even I got tired of my excuses. I finally acquiesced and told him that “Yes, I’d go with him to the desert”. And you know what? I had a crazy good time and went back again the next year and the year after that and the year after that. As is evident by the bad ass photo of me above, saying “Yes” looks good on me.
So as another year rushes to a close, I am feeling a strong urge to throw away the excuses that are holding me back from the experiences that I really desire in the next year. I want to say “Yes” to masturbating more frequently and in more ways than I have tried before. And if it takes throwing the husband and the kid out of the house on a Saturday to get that time, or taking a longer weekday lunch, then so be it. I want to say “Yes” to flirting outrageously with my husband despite my intense embarrassment when doing so. On the positive side of things, I may not need to apply blush on the days I try this out. I want to say “Yes” to binge watching less television and filling that time with hot sex instead. Sorry Apple TV and Portlandia, your crushingly awesome convenience and amazing humor will have to wait until later when I’m sick and couch ridden sometime this winter.
I’m curious. What do YOU want to look back on at the end of 2016 and remember over and above all the stellar working, cleaning, cooking and organizing you did? Share if you dare in the comments.
New to this blog and want to start at the beginning? Check out this post about why I started a blog about sex.
This blog reflects my real-life experiences. I'd love to hear about your experiences, so let’s continue the conversation in the comments section below.
You can also check out these resources or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in classes or coaching to explore your own sexuality. I am a sex and relationship coach and if I can't personally help you, I'd be very happy to connect you with other wonderful sex educators, coaches and therapists.
© Pam Costa, 2015