Are you caught in a negative cycle with your partner? Do you struggle with knowing or communicating how you feel and what you need? Do you have a good relationship, but want to make it even better? Are you experiencing low desire, erectile dysfunction or challenges with some other aspect of your sexuality or sexual function?

I’m Pam Costa, and I have faced similar challenges in my own relationship of over 20 years. After seeing a sex and relationship coach and discovering how much personal and relationship transformation was possible through this work, I decided to take a bold risk and shift from a career in high tech at Apple and Facebook to a career in sex and relationship coaching. And I'm so glad I did, because I love this work.

In my role as a coach, I help individuals and couples explore how challenges in relationship can offer unexpected pathways to increased intimacy and connection. My approach is collaborative and experiential which means rather than just talking about what is going on, I’ll offer suggestions during our sessions to try something different in the moment to see what can be learned. I don’t believe there is any one right way to be in relationship, but I am interested in helping you discover what is uniquely right for you.

In addition to pursuing a Master's level degree in holistic counseling psychology through John F Kennedy University and Process Therapy Institute, I am currently conducting scientific research on why women’s peer groups are therapeutically relevant. On top of my general psychotherapy training, I have more than 1,000 hours of training specifically in the field of sexuality via the Somatica Institute, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR), the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH), the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)and San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI). My education also includes a focus on marginalized communities including trans, bisexual, genderqueer and non-monogamous, open and polyamorous communities.

If you are curious about my story and experiences, you can check out my writing on Huffington PostMindful and Psyched.

Or listen to my podcast guest appearances on Sex With Emily, Tom Joyner and Jacque Reid's Morning Show, Melissa Risso's Let's Do It, August McLaughlin's Girl Boner, Kerri Miller's Smart Sex and Dr. Nazanin Moali's Sexology.

You can also check out some of my speaking engagements including TEDxWisdom 2.0, Inman and fireside chats with groups of women about intimacy and connection.

I see clients out of my office in Cupertino, CA as well as over Skype. If you are interested in sex coaching, please reach out to me at or 1-650-887-4751.


New to this blog and want to start at the beginning? Check out this post about why I started a blog about sex.