Welcome to Down To There®, where we give you the tools to debunk myths around sex and relationships, and in the process, help you increase your capacity for physical and emotional intimacy.

I turn myself on when...

It can be tempting to think of turn on as something someone else does to us.

But it's way more fun and empowering to take charge of our own turn on.

So let's play a game where we share how we turn ourselves on. I'll go first...

#letstalkaboutsex #downtothere #selfpleasure #30DaysOfTurnOns

Salt Scrub

I turn myself on when... I give myself a salt scrub.
There is something about the intense sensation and the all-over-my-body touch that really heightens my senses and paves the way for pleasure.

"Fuck Me" Heels

I turn myself on when... I wear my "fuck me" heels.
I don't know what it is about these shoes... but whether I pair them with a tank top and jeans or a cocktail dress... I feel fantastic. I wear them for me, and not him, but my husband knows when I'm wearing them... it's "Game On".

Essential Oils

I turn myself on when... I smell something I love.
I have a little spritzer on my desk that consists of rose water plus a few drops of essential oils. It's a little thing brings me pleasure through igniting my sense of smell.

Porn

I turn myself on when... I watch porn.
I like all kinds of porn, but especially porn where I can see women embracing their sexuality in empowering and unique ways like Hysterical literature.

Massage

I turn myself on when... I go to the spa.
More specifically, I love being naked in the steam room and fantasizing about my masseuse massaging ALL of the parts of my body.

Coffee

I turn myself on when... I drink foam-topped coffee.
Foam on top of my coffee seems so decadent. So unnecessary. So delicious. I’m so grateful for the fact that when I pause a moment and really enjoy that foam, I feel desire ignite within me.

Sneaky Vibrators

I turn myself on when... I wear my vibrator necklace.
I am in love with this powerful little necklace. It’s fun knowing I’m out in public wearing a vibrator, both because most people don’t know what it is, and because some people do know what it is.

Soft Blankets

I turn myself on when... I wrap myself in softness.
Sometimes I like it rough and fast, but more often, I like it soft and slow. There is something about wrapping myself in a super soft blanket that connects me to my sensual self.

Art

I turn myself on when... I channel my inner artist.
There is something primal in artistic expression. I have next to zero training in anything artistic, but every now and then, I feel compelled to create art. It makes my whole body come alive.

Role Play

I turn myself on when… I wear a costume.
Sometimes I get bored with myself. I like who I am, but sometimes I want to play around with being someone else. A costume is a fun and easy way to try out a new character.

Date Night

I turn myself on when… I schedule a mid-week date.
I love mixing things up with a mid-week date night, like popping a bottle of champagne on a Wednesday night, and making up a fun game like seeing how turned on we can get without taking our clothes off.

Play

I turn myself on when... I play.
Whether it’s doing cartwheels in the sand, running around a playground or wrestling in the bedroom, I have easier access to pleasure when I let go of being serious for a moment and let myself play.

Masturbation

I turn myself on when... I masturbate.
I used to feel shame about masturbating. But over the past couple years, I’ve embraced the awesome way it makes me feel and the excitement of learning to masturbate in new ways.

Nature

I turn myself on when... I marvel at beauty.
There is so much beauty in the world, and I am usually moving so fast I hardly see it. But every now and then, I remember to pause and take it in. And when I do that, my whole body comes alive.

Daring

I turn myself on when... I do something daring.
I love the adrenaline rush of doing something daring. Like taking my underwear off in a restaurant bathroom and tucking them into my husband’s pocket when I return to the dinner table.

Laughter

I turn myself on when... I laugh.
There is something about a really huge laugh that shifts my energy in a really good way. Whether it’s with friends or a lover, I always feel a little friskier after a good laugh.

Snuggling

I turn myself on when... I snuggle.
I love snuggling with my honey. At first it’s all cuddles, relaxation and sweetness, but on the best days, that turns to wiggles, tension and hotness.

Fortunes

I turn myself on when... I add “in bed” to my fortune.
You know the little fortune cookies you sometimes get at the end of your Chinese dinner? It can be really fun to add the word “in bed” to the end of them. And then make sure I go after that fortune.

Sexy Routine

I turn myself on when... I eat dinner in my underwear.
It is so much fun to turn routine daily activities like showering, getting dressed, cooking or eating dinner into something a little less routine and a lot more naughty.

Treats

I turn myself on when... I treat myself.
You know when you see that little thing in a store that for whatever reason really catches your eye, but then you think “I don’t NEED that”? Well, sometimes I get it anyway. And that turns me on.

Sexting

I turn myself on when... I sext.
I’m a huge fan of words. So my sexts are generally something like “I’m thinking about what I’d like to do to you when you get home.” But sometimes, I get inspired to take a picture, which feels extra naughty and hot.

Decadence

I turn myself on when... I eat decadent things.
Sex is hottest for me when I engage more of my senses. So it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I get to taste something decadent like a marshmallow straight out of the fire, I connect to my sensuality.

Hot Showers

I turn myself on when... I take a hot shower.
I love the first moments of super hot water hitting my body. When I take a moment to enjoy rather than rush, my mind and body relax and I feel a sense of freedom and heightened sensation.

Curls

I turn myself on when... I curl my hair.
I’ll admit it. I’m pretty infatuated with my hair. I like the way that it makes me feel young and carefree, and though I don’t do it often, I turn myself on when I curl it. It’s better than the sexiest dress I own.

Romance Novels

I turn myself on when... I read a trashy romance novel.
I literally own a Kindle just for the romance novels. I love reading about two people who shouldn’t be together, but then get together and can’t take their hands off each other. It is hot hot hot.

Flowers

I turn myself on when... I pick myself flowers.
I absolutely adore picking flowers from my yard or a nearby hill and bringing them into my kitchen where I can look at them throughout my day, taking joy in their color, their shape, their scent.

Sexy Selfies

I turn myself on when... I take a sexy selfie.
I previously thought selfie sticks were a joke. Then one day, a friend told me how she enjoyed using them to take sexy selfies. I was completely sold after seeing some of her photos. Game. Changer.

Lingerie

I turn myself on when… I buy myself lingerie.
I lived much of my life thinking lingerie was for my partner, and frankly, that was more of a turn off than a turn on. More recently, I’ve realized lingerie can be for me, which has made the whole concept way more interesting!

Cooking

I turn myself on when… I chop vegetables.
I used to think of making dinner as another “to do list” item. Then one day, I noticed I actually love the smell of chopping and sautéing vegetables. So now I slow down, pour myself a glass of wine, and really enjoy cooking.

Fantasies

I turn myself on when… I fantasize.
I used to shut down fantasies before they started. I don’t know why. But now, when my day presents me with a whitewater guide who leads me on a crazy adventure that turns me on, I go ahead and let myself fantasize.